belonging

“…The event contained in the affirmation of God is more important than the belief in God…Belonging first, followed by behavior, followed last and least, by belief.” – Peter Rollins We belong before we believe. The experience of belonging leads to behavior and belief if we’ve experienced the real thing. We may arrive at the right… Read More belonging

room (2)

This is what we have with God—room and space rarely (if ever) experienced before. I understand how valuable this is, and how needed. Some of us were not given room to question or doubt or form our own opinions and beliefs and there was little or no place to disagree so we never knew how,… Read More room (2)

room

You invite me to your table but “I’m not hungry I’m not thirsty” I tell you. I have had everything here before. I am no longer hungry or thirsty for what I have long had my fill of. “But there is still room for you” I hear and I know it is true. But is… Read More room

context

The indecision of childhood remembered. Do I create myself or am I created? Am I made in the image of what I desire or am I formed from the pieces of past and context and circumstance, family history religion. Environment. Culture. The myth of the self made wo/man for no one makes themselves only we… Read More context

gods

gods— Flittering through memories, seen but unseen. Saving us. Or betraying us. Do they save us from or betray us to suffering? We are all damaged. All of us. Even by those closest to perfection, or at least goodness. Our worlds built by those who could not fail but did. And do. And always will. … Read More gods

image

Trying to find pieces of what I am in the dark, lonely, quiet, snowy nights of a silent season. Learning to be alone and to love it. Reaching for words in the disquiet of quiet. In search of myself while lost in myself. Like standing as the single being on a world my own. None… Read More image

Week 51: waiting

I’m familiar with waiting. I remember spending a 12 hour “layover” at a city train station in Mandalay, Myanmar many years ago, having already taken a 12 hour train ride on an “ordinary class” train, with a 14 hour train ride ahead of me to go further north. (“Ordinary class” trains had hard, uncomfortable, nearly… Read More Week 51: waiting

Week 45: new

Some days you just feel discombobulated. It’s one of those for me. Getting lost and turned around trying to find some place (even with GPS), angry and upset at the smallest things (like new scratches on my truck and no public showers in the whole state of NM due to COVID)—just a general feeling of… Read More Week 45: new

Week 24: thirst

Jesus said, “I thirst.” I love the way the trees sway in worship. The slight breeze setting their thin trunks in motion, branches joining the chorus. If i wasn’t sitting out here on the deck tonight, I wouldn’t notice. I wouldn’t see it. I have to pay attention. What is existence without seeing? Why are… Read More Week 24: thirst

Week 18: life, death, and legacy (in “The Death of Ivan Ilyich”)

Someone recently asked me: “What do you want your legacy to be? How do you want to leave your mark upon the world?” I was a little caught off guard. I’d never really been asked that question, and I’ve honestly never pondered it very extensively.  I just read (or rather, listened to) “The Death of… Read More Week 18: life, death, and legacy (in “The Death of Ivan Ilyich”)

Week 15: seen

Imagine a female slave in the 20th century B.C. who, at the command of her mistress, marries and sleeps with her mistress’s husband. Who, upon consequently conceiving his child, is then constantly oppressed by her mistress, though the slave is herself not entirely innocent in her pride. When the father of her child remains unconcerned… Read More Week 15: seen

Week 11: silence

Stillness, silence, and waiting are acts of faith. They are a willingness to face the nothingness, the emptiness, the void. They authenticate a stark willingness to accept the possibility of hearing nothing, receiving no answers, gaining no direction. Sometimes (or often), it is silence for silence, darkness for darkness. But this is where we discover… Read More Week 11: silence

Week 5: seeing

Years ago, during a night in the city of Chiang Mai in northern Thailand, I had an ever so small encounter that, for whatever unknown reason, has left a lasting emotional impact.  I meandered through a crowded night bazaar with sidewalk shops and stands, enjoying the evening and people watching (as I always did without… Read More Week 5: seeing