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everyone is invited
And he was teaching them and saying to them, “Is it not written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations’? But you have made it a den of robbers…” And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he healed them. We are told to… Continue reading
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the gospel according to Jayber Crow
Now, finally, I really had lost all desire for change, every last twinge of the notion that I ought to get somewhere or make something of myself. I was what I was. “I will stand like a tree,” I thought, “and be in myself as I am.” – Jayber Crow Who told you that you… Continue reading
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four years later
Four years ago I left my job at a church and everything changed. I changed. Fast forward. If you asked me, “What do you believe now?” I couldn’t give you a straight answer. (I hardly know, myself.) And you know what I’ve discovered? That’s okay. Not knowing is okay. Liminality is a very real existential… Continue reading
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the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 7)
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen. Not our kingdom. Not our power. Not our glory. It belongs to another. The only one worthy of it. The only one it cannot blemish or destroy. Whenever we take it upon ourselves we ruin it, it ruins us. Whenever we try… Continue reading
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the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 6)
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: What does this mean? Save us from ourselves. God is not the cause of temptation, of our choices and actions, nor of the resulting suffering. If people are the problem then they can’t be the solution. So we pray, Deliver us. From ourselves, our… Continue reading
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the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 5)
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Oh, forgiveness. One of the most difficult asks for humankind. You know. Who is it impossible to forgive? “With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Are we forgiven only as we forgive? Do we forgive because we’re forgiven, or are… Continue reading
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the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 4)
Give us this day our daily bread. Yet they starve by the millions, your children, without bread or water. Children die sick in slums or in the streets. Thousands perish every single day from preventable causes. “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth… Continue reading
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the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 3)
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Where is your kingdom? It is not in earth as it is in heaven. For what of the Ugandan boy who sat next to me in tears because someone he loved was dying or dead of AIDS. What of the young… Continue reading
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the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 2)
Hallowed be thy name. The sacred name that’s been used by the apparent faithful throughout history to justify the persecution and killing of those who are different from and other than; the faithful who hold the supposed truth and dispense it by the sword (literally or figuratively). Look no further than our own scriptures. God-ordained… Continue reading
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the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 1)
“Lord, teach us to pray.” Our Father which art in heaven, But only there, Lord? Far away up in the sky, above the clouds, beyond the universe, detached and out of reach? To say you’re in heaven makes it sound as if you’re distant, unavailable, like many of our own earthly fathers. Or like some… Continue reading
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walking the length of an island
Why do you walk eight, nine, 10 hours a day? In any weather and conditions, on whatever tracks or pavement or gravel or dirt or sand or grass, through deep mud or rushing water—anything the day brings? In whatever environment, from muggy subtropical forest to beaches to farmland to towns or cities to quiet or… Continue reading
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“the long path”
The longest backpacking trip I’ve done to date is eight days in the Patagonia region of Chile, averaging around 10 miles a day when it was all said and done. Now, I’m planning to thru-hike New Zealand’s north island for at least two months, hoping to average more like 15-18 miles a day during the… Continue reading
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seven years
Seven years ago I packed my silver two door Honda Civic to the brim and moved to Big Sky. I had been living back home in PA for a year after spending a long year abroad, teaching English in Thailand and roaming around parts of central and southeast Asia. Not once have I regretted the… Continue reading
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worth in rest
Teach us. Weather and seasons, rain and snow and storms and blizzards, cold and heat—earth; and body and mind, heart and soul and spirit—self; and that divine whisper—God; how to give ourselves what we need, in the moments we need it. It is a constant battle, sometimes, to oppose the relentless voice that says “go… Continue reading
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outside
I had a special day in the mountains this summer that left me happy, tired, and sunburnt (not to mention with a few mosquito bites), also with a new peak. From the top I slowly took in the panorama of the familiar mountain ranges, and the vast (seemingly endless) wilderness. I stumbled upon a clan… Continue reading
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my gay friends
It wasn’t until I first began to grasp the full human experience of gay people (friends or otherwise) that my heart and mind began to change. It sounds trite (and I admit it now with some embarrassment), but an awareness dawned: they navigated the emotions of love and romance like anyone else, all the harder… Continue reading
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what comes after?
It’s easy to believe in God, in heaven; even in hell, if you’re speaking of hell on earth. All of us have experienced both heaven and hell in this life. We’ve seen evidence of their reality here and now. But are they actual places and states of existence in the next life, the afterlife? I… Continue reading
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35
I don’t know where I thought I’d be at 35. I couldn’t have foreseen I’d be here—living in a ski town in Montana, housed with a family of five in a room above their garage, working a job that gives more freedom than I could have ever hoped for, not to mention a sufficient income.… Continue reading
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the tree
in my youth a tree was planted in the heart’s field. there it grew, watered and well-tended, bathed in light. years passed. my soul’s winter came. the lackluster tree loses its leaves. it still lives but with broken branches and missing limbs. even now it reaches skyward, though a little skewed, almost remembering something it… Continue reading
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the bible
Is it our salvation, a love letter, a rulebook, a guide, an instruction manual, a weapon, or just stories made up long ago? Is it true, inspired, outdated, or myth? Is it directly from or dictated by God, or only some of it, or none of it. Does it point to God, or do only… Continue reading
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prayer
Heads bowed. Eyes closed. Hands folded. Who taught us to pray this way? Would God have us pray in a spirit of formality. Or would he rather we lift our heads, open our eyes, and stretch out our hands to the mystery that reaches us. I think of the Michelangelo painting on the ceiling of… Continue reading
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my (short) story
Now, a little about me. I think back. What led me here? There’s childhood. A well behaved pastor’s kid though my father wasn’t a pastor but something more—a praying carpenter, a spiritual giant, a minister in his own unique way. I was like him, until l wasn’t. I wanted to be like him, until I… Continue reading
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anthropology as a guide to faith
In my spiritual background there was little room for creativity, understanding, or messaging outside of a straight and narrow understanding of faith. Christian worldview embodies a clear message, points us to God, is based in the Bible, is mostly black and white, and contains the “truth” of our beliefs, actions, and ways of being in… Continue reading
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experiencing the other
I’m going to begin touching on topics (or beliefs or doctrines) I have personally wrestled with, or am still wrestling through. This is not a theological examination; I am not a trained theologian or pastor or biblical scholar. Nor are solutions and answers presented. My aim is to stir questions, propel reflection, and honor experience.… Continue reading
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forgiving is remembering
We are what we come from but not only that. Forging ahead we bridge the divide between who were—the parts that fit and the pieces that don’t—and who we are becoming. Not who we are, mind you, for we are always the becoming, not a static arrival. Think back to your father and mother, your… Continue reading
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back there and right here
I was searching for something, once. When did I stop? The one looking to follow footsteps that never fit his stride, set too close or far apart, or going a direction he was never meant to go. I wore what was ill-fitting for the sake of fulfilling roles and fitting molds. I tried to be… Continue reading
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a meditation for the weary
It was from Matthew 11. “I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.” This struck me. “You don’t have to go back to what is heavy and ill-fitting.” Why do so many of us assume God’s way or will is always something heavy and hard, even ill-fitting, that God wants to make martyrs of… Continue reading
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try
Try. Just try. Let the world see your light. Don’t hide it under a cupped hand, afraid of what attention it might bring or what it might cost you. Give yourself the chance to shine and bring light to dark places and broken hearts. Try. Shine. Share your light with one or with the world.… Continue reading
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the idol & the God-shaped hole
Some of us have heard it. “There’s a God-shaped hole in all of us that only God can fill.” Have you ever asked yourself: “Am I missing something? What need, want, desire, desperation, obsession, is being triggered, revealed?” We are unsettled by what is not even real. An idol isn’t real; it’s a false image… Continue reading
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everywhere or nowhere
“If You are not everywhere, You are nowhere.” It is a sense both of deeper loss and even deeper homecoming—no matter what we leave or lose or walk away from, no matter how far we go, the belonging is always deeper, always further, always ahead of us. I recently told a friend, “I’m not a… Continue reading
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natural & miraculous (part 2)
On many occasions God has already given us what we need in how he’s made us and who he’s brought into our lives. I do believe there are moments when the out-of-the-ordinary (the supernatural) breaks through, something inexplicable beyond our ability or effort. But much of the time we’re living very ordinary, natural lives (which… Continue reading
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natural & miraculous (part 1)
When faced with life decisions or everyday choices there are many simple spiritual answers: “Just pray about it. Just wait on God. Just have faith. Just trust God.” As if we have no responsibility or hard work of our own, or freedom to choose our own path. The way I see it now is that… Continue reading
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when God descends
Some summer weekend mornings I like to write a few pages with coffee in my room then move to the deck that faces the sunlight with a book of poetry hearing the birds in the background (this morning mostly sparrows and juncos dancing around in the dirt) then set down the book to watch the… Continue reading
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survival and sustenance
There’s this ethereal place I’ve always wanted to reach but never can. Never will. A place I want to reach but cannot find. Where everything and everyone will be okay. Whole. All things and persons as they should be. All things and persons made new. For as long as I can remember I’ve longed for… Continue reading
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the lack
Though we search we’re never whole. There is always something missing. And somehow, someway, God is near in this. Christians may call it “the fall,” a product of original sin, some catastrophe unintended but fixable. If it’s this, it’s also much more than this. They say God will make it all okay, now or then,… Continue reading
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indoor/outdoor faith
For the last two years I’ve taken a month-long road trip in the autumn, living out of my truck, sleeping in the bed on a wood platform under a topper, changing in parking lots, setting up and tearing down, cooking outdoors (weather permitting), staying the night in gorgeous isolated forests or in not so beautiful… Continue reading
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other voices
Why are we so often afraid of other voices? Do they shake our own fallible security in certain beliefs? Do they threaten an errant assurance of our own subjective truth and relative experience? Why are we so afraid of different views and opinions and interpretations? Why do we feel the need to fight tooth and… Continue reading
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person over power
I see the Ravi Zachariases and Mark Driscolls and John MacArthurs of the world and know if these men were the summation of what I believed about the church, Christians, God, I would run as far as I can and never look back, except to glare. But then I avert my gaze and there’s another… Continue reading
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34
The sky is blue on my birthday morning. White still clings to trees and layers the earth. The sun will melt it off. What a beautiful day to be alive. It’s not about my birthday. It’s about being alive today. Recently I heard this phrase and I can’t stop thinking about it. “I don’t want… Continue reading
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it is good (2)
It’s both/and, not either/or. Both the spiritual and physical, wrapped into one, as God intended. In the beginning, why did God place us in a garden (whether it’s a literal story or not is irrelevant) instead of a detached “heavenly” or “spiritual” space if the physical is less significant? Apparently, the physical matters to God,… Continue reading
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it is good (1)
Sometimes I find myself feeling a little guilty for enjoying my life and loving my humanity. Do you ever feel this way? I love living in the mountains. This lifestyle isn’t about winning or being better or the best or constantly pushing boundaries. It’s about appreciation and enjoyment, reflection and sustainability, gratitude. And just as… Continue reading
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grace (3)
One evening this winter I sat in the hot tub and watched the darkening evergreens and the winter evening’s cotton candy sky above the dimming landscape. I looked up at the clouds and picked out their morphing shapes. I kept watching that sky of subtle reds and pinks and purples, quiet oranges and yellows, above… Continue reading
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grace (2)
Grace was mentioned in my Christian upbringing. Mentioned as just one word among many. “We are saved by grace, through faith…” It was one theological term describing God’s action and attitude towards humankind. “Receiving more than we deserve.” Such an understated, simplistic explanation. Grace was simply a word without much meaning, even with knowledge of… Continue reading
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grace (1)
Grace. This word sometimes overused and often misused and cheapened and ill-defined. Not only that, but a word frightening for what it implies, uncomfortable in its extravagance, easier kept at arm’s length since it’s beyond our control. When something undeserved is given freely, unconditionally, without merit, we hesitate. What’s the catch? Nothing in life is… Continue reading
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deconstruction
Listen to your brothers and sisters in deconstruction. Some have had a friend or family member struggling with faith tell them, “I don’t know if I can call myself a Christian anymore.” They don’t need us to evangelize, answer, or save them. They need empathy and compassion, not judgment and rebuke. They need ears, not… Continue reading
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leaving (part 3)
Enough about me. I won’t speak for God. But maybe he’s waiting for you to let go, give up, surrender. To own up to your true self and season. Honesty and openness (with a large dose of humility) is something he can work with. Performance and striving (especially without humility), less so. This doesn’t mean… Continue reading
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leaving (part 2)
I have stopped trying to be good and right, to fall in line and follow the rules. I have thrown away my former identities and associations in search of myself, my path, and God. Yes, from the outside it might look like leaving. Period. (To some, perhaps without redemption.) But so far in my experience,… Continue reading
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leaving (part 1)
I’ve been asking the question: “Who am I when I leave?” Who are we when we leave? Who are you when you leave? — Who we once were has bearing on who we are now. We cannot entirely disentangle from our past; it is intrinsically linked to our present. Who we are now is continually… Continue reading
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silence (part 3)
We are not comfortable with silence. It’s the first thing to go when we have a to-do list, the easiest practice to neglect. There is the fear that if we don’t hear anything, it’s because we’re not listening. It’s our fault. How often have we heard it? “God’s always speaking; we’re the ones not listening.”… Continue reading
surely we do not mean only.”
- everyone is invited
- the gospel according to Jayber Crow
- four years later
- the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 7)
- the Lord’s prayer, revisited (part 6)
a kingdom built of seeds 