In a damp cathedral of towering firs in Oregon, I bend down, close my eyes, then raise them upward, my eyes and heart open. I pray. “You are my hunger and my food. My thirst and my water. My wound and my healing.” I was brought here for this holy moment in the light rain,… Read More in the wild (part 2)
I sat in my truck watching the furious surf, as if seeking revenge; the gray-white sea bled into the gray-white sky. I thought, “Sometimes you have to walk headlong into the wind and rain. Don’t run from it; run into it.” So I got out of my truck and walked down onto the beach, heading… Read More in the wild
The denial of contradictions (within our experience, the Bible, spiritual community, etc) can produce hesitant, fearful, uncertain, even spiritually neurotic Christians. We hear opposing stories of the same God and are expected to embrace them without doubt or trepidation. “Just believe” is the catch all phrase, the simple answer to complicated questions. The story of… Read More which God is it? (part 2)
I remember moments of ceaseless activity, at other times waning. Morning Bible reading and prayer, church services and Bible studies, leading and attending this and that group. Was the fire true? Now it seems like struck matches that never stayed alight; flint without enough energy for the weak kindling. My activities and readings and prayers… Read More which God is it? (part 1)
Just a glimpse, Moses: a clift in the rock here, a mountaintop there, and the rest is denial and longing. You have to stalk everything…And then occasionally the mountains part…Now we rejoice…“Surely the Lord is in this place; and I knew it not.” The fleeing shreds I see, the back parts, are a gift, an… Read More birds in the gaps
Ever since childhood, there’s often been a subtly pervasive voice in the background saying, “You’re not good enough, you’re not doing enough, you’re not enough as you are.” Have you heard it? This was not stated by anyone explicitly, but was sometimes implied within spiritual environments I participated in and observed. Guilt. As easy as… Read More guilt
As I have pulled back on my participation in familiar spiritual environments, as I have ceased the once familiar spirituality of my history and context, I find that I still encounter God in the midst of (re)movement. I do not speak, but stay silent; I do not move, but am still; I do not ask,… Read More (re)movement
I sometimes feel a sense of guilt at re/moving myself from familiar spirituality, from my roots, from certain religious practices, from pieces of my history and context, from unquestioning Christianity. I “should” on myself—I should be involved, I should serve, I should attend, I should do this and that spiritual discipline whether I feel like… Read More movement
It’s easy to experience God in the beautiful. I went truck camping this past weekend and found a peaceful, quiet spot by running water. I’d been waiting for a night or two to drive new dirt roads. To find something new, somewhere quiet. I drove miles into the wild, kicking up clouds of dust, thick… Read More when it’s over
It’s okay to say, “It hurts.” Don’t belittle your pain; don’t compare or relativize it. Own it. Hold it. Say out loud, “It hurts and it matters.” Someone else always has it worse off. But no one else suffers quite like you—whether it was today, yesterday, or 10 or 50 years ago. It matters. Don’t… Read More it matters
a kingdom built of seeds 