a kingdom built of seeds

In less than a week (on October 14), I fly to Phuket, Thailand.

My “letting go” is so near complete. What have I learned? That I don’t have to be timid in speaking about myself, where I’m going, or what I’m doing. That I don’t have to make myself (or what I’m doing) small, or explain myself to those who don’t understand. That I shouldn’t assume people don’t want to be involved or know about my next season in life. That when God speaks, it often comes in a moment, after which the faith and trust in the God who spoke it is of utmost importance, especially in moments when the word is not “felt.” That bursts of fear, anxiety, doubt, and apprehension are normal emotions that accompany the process of change, and that spiritual warfare is necessary in these moments; remembering that whether God is saying yes or no, or opening or closing a door, he does not speak in ways that damage us. That letting go is the main component of laying hold. That saying yes to something means saying no to so much more. That what we want the most is sometimes the hardest thing to allow ourselves to have. That following Christ is the way of the cross. That the support of friends, family, and mentors is crucial. That taking time to seek God for guidance is rewarding and fruitful. That God is less concerned with location, destination, and results, and more with transformation of the heart. That God’s end goal is the process itself. That the cost to follow your heart and obey is greater than we initially think. That God himself, for who He is, is the greatest reward. That God himself, for who He is, is alone worthy of our love, and our lives.

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.

– 2 Corinthians 3:18

I am reminded that I become what I behold; that I am defined by what I choose (or choose not) to see. I have determined in my heart that I will not cease to behold Him; my eyes will not cease to see Him. The hope I have in Jesus Christ is unrivaled, the security unsurpassed. There is no veil, no distance, as there once was — nothing and no one able to separate. It is now a choice. Who will we behold? What will capture our sight? Where will we place our eyes? Where our eyes, there our path, and there our feet follow. What do we see?

Let the dead, bury their own dead. There’s no need to go back to the dead, digging up old bones. What has died, let it be. A corpse is not meant to be carried, but laid to rest. Some things are not meant to be resurrected, but to be let go. We owe nothing to the past. There is no debt to be paid. We owe ourselves to the future. To walk in the light, not the darkness. To travel among the living, not the dead.