a kingdom built of seeds

Teach us.

Weather and seasons, rain and snow and storms and blizzards, cold and heat—earth;

and body and mind, heart and soul and spirit—self;

and that divine whisper—God;

how to give ourselves what we need, in the moments we need it.

It is a constant battle, sometimes, to oppose the relentless voice that says “go go go you must be someone you must do something you must produce and accomplish and never stop” while the quiet voice says “slow down, stop, rest.”

Our worth is so caught up in what we do. So we cease, and we listen, detaching our worth from activity, reattaching it to a state of simple being.

You are not what you do.

We have value simply because we exist. Like when I let myself watch a TV show in the middle of the day or sleep in one morning or stay in town all weekend. There is no competition, except for the internal one we have with ourselves.

Slow down. Stop. Be/still. Accept/rest. Know/peace. You are not what you do. Your value is that you simply exist. 

Make a cup of warm tea. Light a candle. Find a chair in a quiet corner and pull up a blanket. Listen to the steady rain. Watch the tree branches move ever so slightly under the weight of water. Learn to be still and silent like the birds you don’t see or hear but still are near. Close your eyes, take in the darkness behind them, the good kind. Find a shelter in your own storm.

Learn to stay put, facing the inactivity, stillness, and silence that confronts you with the fears and anxieties and insecurities you keep at bay with busyness.

Personally, I am good at keeping them quiet with feeling good about myself, or with distractions—activity, productivity, movement, small successes, completing my to-do list, creativity and writing, reading a book I want to finish, watching a movie or TV show, listening to music or a podcast or an audiobook, numbing hard emotions with a substance or unhealthy habit; essentially, making noise to drown out the sometimes ever-present negative self-talk I don’t want to hear.

Noise and distractions are not the answer, though they are the quickest and easiest false solutions. Quiet and rest are the remedy, though, being more difficult, they are often avoided.

Silence, stillness, whatever forms rest takes, are the painful surgery we need time and time again, lest the internal negativity is ignored and continues to thrive.